Better than monopoly - almost.

At work today, Stinky Pete (a ‘regular’), came into the shop again and bought some ham. While this is not unusual for him, I was surprised to see that he only came into the shop once today. He habitually visits Iceland almost everyday and while he never buys a lot, or indeed anything that appears substantial, he seems to buy enough to live on. That is to say, he is not yet completely dead. You can normally tell when Stinky Pete is coming and the stench warns you of his imminent arrival. He is not called Stinky Pete for nothing – I have smelt tramps with less stink. That’s not to say I have gone around purposefully sniffing tramps mind you. But underpasses tend to trap odours.

The stink of piss Pete oozes is enough to make a farmer faint, a cow collapse, a skunk sick and a German gag. The safest thing to do is run and hide until the walking chemical spillage that is Pete has passed then attack his trail of urine-clouds with air freshener. However today, I shall look past that, for Stinky Pete has given me a wonderful idea for a board game…

The idea is simple: Each player takes the role of an ageing OAP who reeks of piss. The aim of the game is to be the smelliest old person and to stink out as many places as possible. Each player has a number of ‘Pong Points’ and at the beginning of a players turn their score increases one for each ‘Pong Point’ they have, providing they are in a building (as marked out on the board). As the player moves around they have the chance of landing on a space which means they have to draw a card. Cards have effects that range from sales assistants spraying you with perfume as a sales technique (loose one ‘Pong Point’) to you pissing yourself (gain one ‘Pong Point’).

While there are buildings (mainly shops) there is also the ‘Town Square’, which is at the centre of the board. This is classed as outside. Your score does not increase while you are outside and you get put there if, for example, you draw the security guard card and they throw you out of the building. One of my favourite prototype cards is Alzheimer’s (miss a turn). I think it captures the mind of Stinky Pete perfectly. Maybe that is why he comes into the shop twice in the same day. One of my favourite prototype cards is Alzheimer’s (miss a turn). I think it captures the mind of Stinky Pete perfectly. Maybe that is why he comes into the shop twice in the same day.

Please Note: The game is still in the design stages. All names, images, rules etc are copyrighted by me. Any infringement of copyright will result in me using the “Piss on another player” card from the board game I made in year 10 graphic design class. (No, really). I have also posted the notes I made on the game as I thought you would appreciate a bit of visual stimulation.