Lennox's Paris Diary 2006: Friday 24th March

Friday 24th March 11:03 (French Time)

Mood: Dazed

Dear Diary,

We woke up and I was full of energy. God knows how. I went for breakfast but only had some orange juice. I disappeared off to the supermarché to get some wine and chocolates as a mother’s day present. There was a black man in the queue in front of me holding everybody up. That is the second one in two days. Just an observation, draw from that what you will.

Charlotte, Grace and I got a taxi to Gare du Nord while the others got the Metro. The taxi was easier and more fun and wasn’t particularly expensive. I was annoyed that I paid 5€40 the day before for a Metro day pass when I still had 3 single journey tickets left. We got to the station and I bought a baguette with what little Euros Grace had left. After a bit of messing around, we got on the train.

Friday 24th March 19:31 (UK Time)

Mood: Tired and relieved.

Dear Diary,

While on the coach back to the LEC, my phone died as I slept. This meant that my parents had to wait around for ages as we arrived back an hour late.

Safely back at home; I had a real meal for the first time in six days and a shower. I watched a bit of TV and relaxed. Soon I was off to Martin’s for a film night, and what ever passes for normality around here. Oh yeah, and Sam.

Lennox's Paris Diary 2006: Thursday 23rd March

Thursday 23rd March 08:13 (French Time)

Mood: Happy

Dear Diary,

I woke up this morning after everyone else had left. While this was intentional, I hope I am not writing the same tomorrow, as we are leaving for England. Yay! I had a much-needed lie in and a bath before heading off to the Sacré Coeur.

I asked at reception where the Pompidou Centre was and the woman took ages to answer, looking on the computer and in books and directories. She even had a look on my map. Like I hadn’t already thought of that. Eventually another receptionist came over (she must have noticed the first one too a lifetime too) and pointed it out immediately because she wasn’t a total moron. I hope the first one gets fired. Or killed.

I purchased a day pass, which I asked for in French, and got the Metro to Pigalle. I thought Pigalle was the stop at the bottom of the Sacré Coeur. I was wrong – it was the stop in the centre of the red light district. Imagine my surprise when, upon exiting the metro station, I expect to see a wonderful cathedral and am instead greeted by the SEXODROME. Oh well, when in France…Dance!

I explored the area for a bit (in a completely legitimate way of course) before asking for directions, again, all in French. Mum must be well proud.

What followed was an hour or two of me getting to know Montmartrois even more intimately. For the first time I was truly in France. The bistros and patisseries. The market stalls and shops. They were not made for tourists; they were made for, and survive off of, the local Parisians.

I then walked around the bottom of the Sacré Coeur before climbing up some steps that I recognised to the back of it. I then sat in the cathedral for a bit before wandering back down the hill. I explored every gift shop in Montmartrois in search of a pinstriped beret however I had to resign myself to the fact that they do not exist. I think that there is in fact only one gift shop in Paris and all shop doorways lead to it. Anyone who has ever looked in tourists’ gift shops will know what I am talking about.

I then popped back into the cathedral for more relaxation and reflection. To me, sitting in the Sacré Coeur is like a drug. I enjoy it, I feel a little odd when I leave, ad it can help you have some good old personal realisation.

After coming down from my high I revisited the hotel I stayed at last year. I then I found our local from last year too. I went in and bought a drink before heading off in search of more places I recognised. I walked along past some shops I remembered and then went into Champion to see what it was like now. They have had a layout change since I was last there and must confess I prefer the old set up more. Finally I caught the Metro to the Pompidou centre and wandered around the nearby high streets,

I have noticed that there are no fat people in Paris, which is a surprise considering the number of McDonalds you can find. You get the occasional chubby old man with a leather jacket drinking in a bar while smoking (not that I give in to stereotypes you understand) and I’m not saying that the entire French population is anorexic; You just don’t really see fat people wobbling about the streets of Paris. Which I suppose is a good thing as the Metro is cramped as it is and they would only make things worse.

I wanted to find a French Subway to see if everybody working in there was English however I couldn’t find one and had to settle for imagining one instead. Even in my head they were annoyingly foreign.

Friday 24th March 00:42 (French Time)

Mood: Intoxicated

Dear Diary,

Oh My God! [Insert whiney emofag comment here.] We went to the Pompidou centre and looked around. The best bit was the Laurel and Hardy video. [Memory missing.] Then we went back to the hotel. We waited in the lobby for a meeting then headed off to the local afterwards. [Memory missing.] I drunk loads. It seems tradition for me to get absolutely wasted on the last night. After all, you have to use those Euros up somehow. Luckily, this time I didn’t throw up although I’m sure Tom wishes he could say the same thing. After drinking an obscene amount, we headed back to the hotel (St Lauren helped) and everybody spoke to Sam on the phone. I was annoyed when the credit ran out while DV8 was on the phone and I didn’t get to say goodbye. [Insert whiney emofag comment here.]

Lennox's Paris Diary 2006: Tuesday 21st March

Tuesday 21st March 09:42 (French Time)

Mood: Awake

Dear Diary,

DV8 and I overslept. Burns and Tom woke us up at half nine although I am sure the world had put their clocks forward by two hours just to spite us.

I am still searching for a present for Sam and for Mum. Mum I can buy chocolates for however Sam is proving to be harder to buy for than I first expected; that girl needs to get a hobby. We did manage to get Garath his gift so at least that is one down.

Tuesday 21st March 21:02 (French Time)

Mood: Relieved

Dear Diary,

After getting dressed a group of us headed to Jim Morrison’s grave. We drank some whisky as a salute to The Door’s vocalist, poured him a bit and then left the bottle for him. Then we headed up to Oscar Wilde’s grave. And by god what a grave. It was covered in lip marks from where people had kissed it. We did not have any lipstick so I borrowed some lip balm off of Lauren as the most appropriate substitute on offer. It was entertaining however he was gay so I think he must have enjoyed it more than I did.

Afterwards, we headed to the Notre Dame. Once we found it, I headed off to ‘Album’ with Kimmi is search of Magic, Manga and a gift for girl. I bought two packs of Magic: The Gathering as the manga was (unsurprisingly) in French and I still have no idea what to get for Sam.

I have been in Paris three times now, twice to the plaza outside the Notre Dame. Not once have I ventured inside the cathedral. I wonder what is inside although I doubt I will like it as much as the Sacré Coeur.

Soon we moved on to the Eiffel Tower. This year I ventured to the top and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The fog was thick and you could not see all that far. There was a panel covered in graffiti so I borrowed a marker pen off Emily and left a couple of messages at the top. Emily spotted the more private one and pointed it out to the others, which completely ruined my ‘hard-man’ image.

We dashed from the bottom of the tower (post-descent) and over to the river to catch a riverboat tour. I cannot remember how many times I have had to sit through one of these, but it was cold and I was tired so I curled up and went to sleep.

I awoke just in time to stop myself drooling on my collar and the boat trip finished soon after.

We all went back to the hotel and I had a bath. I stayed in there for as long as I could just to annoy Ali as he wanted a shower. I think his toiletries were still in the bathroom so he couldn’t even go and use Sarah and Gemma’s. The though of it gives me a warm feeling inside. Partially because I’m evil, partially because it was a damn good bath.

Tuesday 21st March 22:59 (French Time)

Mood: “Sociable”

Dear Diary,

Andrea, backed by the other lecturers, gave us a long talk about behaviour in the hotel. The rule on no alcohol in rooms, now heavily enforced, ruined our plans to have a night in. We headed to our local where the barman from Sunday night was working again. This meant Stella was 2€ again, as opposed to the 2€50 the guy from the night before had charged us.

I was planning on skipping the Rex Cinema to re-visit Montmartrois however I learned that we would be visiting the Opera theatre on Thursday. I spoke to Mike and he said it would be okay for me to skip that instead.

Lennox's Paris Diary 2006: Wednesday 22nd March

Wednesday 22nd March 15:59 (French Time)

Mood: Nothing

Dear Diary,

Woke up on time-ish this morning. After a bite of breakfast, we headed off to the Rex. It was mildly entertaining although most attractions of this sort (post-Disney) often leave me wanting.

Next we headed to the catacombs and this was a bit more fun. I hid behind a corner and jumped out on Sarah and Gemma. The look on their faces still make me laugh out loud, although Gemma’s new face always make me chuckle a bit anyway.

Burns, Samwise and Tom were annoyed that we have to go to the Louvre. I want to go as I missed the Venus de Milo last year. I hope that this part of the trip will be better organised too.

I cannot say that I am enjoying myself right now per-se. I’m ‘homesick’, I have spent so much money with so little to show for it and I am constantly tired. However it is and experience and there is no point in regrets.

Wednesday 22nd March 19:07 (French Time)

Mood: Relaxed and slightly more fulfilled.

Dear Diary,

DV8 and I were late for meeting the group at the Louvre however we still had to wait around in the cold before we were all let in. I snuck a peek at the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. Neither are particularly spectacular and the large painting opposite the Mona Lisa was more impressive than Da Vinci’s “masterpiece” itself. I am glad that I have finally seen the Venus de Milo but again, it was not anything amazing. I have already covered my views on statues so I will not go through it again.

There is some weird appeal about these exhibits. If they were not famous then I would pass them by without a glance like every other statue and painting on route to them. Their status of fame draws me to see them, despite the fact that nobody, other than myself, is even remotely impressed by my having seen them.

Thursday 23rd March 00:22 (French Time)

Mood: Off my face on drink and love

Dear Diary,

This is the most wasted I have been all week, which is a good sign. I took the bottle of ‘Level 5’ whisky out with me and managed to finish it all. I also had a pint of 1664 in a bar near the Arch de Triumph. The whole area was really expensive so we got the Metro back to the hotel.

There, the group split in half. Half of us went to the local while the other half complained that they didn’t want to go to the same place they had been every night and so went back to the hotel, probably for irony’s sake.

In the end everybody ended up at the local, including Mike, Rob and Paul.

More drinking lead to me getting pretty wasted. I ended up helping a very drunk Charlotte back to her room, only to find Lauren and Emily in there too. We all collapsed on the bed but after a while we got caught and Rob threatened me with gross misconduct. What a load of bollocks.

Lennox's Paris Diary 2006: Monday 20th March

Monday 20th March 00:05 (French Time)

Mood: Fairly wankered

Dear Diary,

After we left Burns at the hotel, Kimmi, Sam and I went to the bar opposite the hotel. Later Lauren and Emily came too. A Jack Daniels and coke cost 7€50 so I only had enough cash for one. Maybe it was a double. Maybe I got screwed. Right now I don’t really care.

Lauren and Emz came to our room but Mike, Rob and Paul sent them back to theirs. Which was a bit of a shame. I’m hoping that tomorrow, wait, tonight (?), will be drunkerer. Is that even a word? Ah well, call it a neologism.

Monday 20th March 17:31 (French Time)

Mood: Entertained

Dear Diary,

Soon after I almost managed to sleep, Lauren and Emily came back into our room. We didn’t get much sleep after that until three in the morning although Lauren and Ali may have been awake for longer as they got pretty close, arms around each other. In hindsight I feel bad for spreading rumours about them and making her out to be a whore.

It was funny at the time.

I ended up sleeping in and almost missed breakfast. We left for La Defense and I got my camera. I think it is broken or something and it would not wind on and I could not get the back to open. We ended up eating more McDonalds again; this time I had a portion of chips. We looked in H&M and I tried on some hats in search of a Beret. Sarah and Gemma actually bought things from H&M, which I thought was a bit sad, as we hadn’t come all the way to France to go to Bournemouth.

Le Grand Arch had a lift that, for 7€, you could ride to the top, examine some pretentious ‘art’ and spend money in the clichéd and overpriced gift shop. When you had finished at the top, realised you couldn’t see anything a view because of the fog and decided not to spend all of the money you own on a - what should have been solid gold considering the price - sandwich or Eiffel Tower statuette, you descend back down to what constitutes for solid ground via the lift and are free to explore the rest of the corporate area. I was not overly impressed.

The concrete modern art of the buildings was interesting for a minute or two however we soon moved on out to the Sacré Coeur.

Visiting the Sacré Coeur, possibly my favourite Parisian landmark, brought back lots of memories from previous Paris trips. The cathedral itself does not particularly impress me. I look up at a statue in one of the many alcoves and all I can think is “Well, there are lots of sculptures in the world, and this one is not even painted”. In an alcove towards the rear of the building was a scale model of the cathedral itself and I found this infinitely more impressive. I have done air fix before and I know how fiddly it can be. Although having said that, throwing a pot can be quite difficult and messy too. The model was lit up with coloured lights so it shows they put some effort into it, although not enough to warrant me donating money.

Every time I visit the Sacré Coeur I like to sit on a pew and think. Like a form of meditation, but whereas meditation is supposed to clear the mind, this is a time for personal reflection.

After my relaxed introspection, Lauren and I went beret hunting. We found some and went exploring the various gift shops around the base of the cathedral. Either we kept walking into the same one over and over, or they are clones of each other. Like stormtroopers but with cheap tat.

Monday 20th March 23:55 (French Time)

Mood: Tired, sobering and very happy.

Dear Diary,

My sister texted me earlier today. She asked me to pick up the My Chemical Romance DVD from HMV. I told her I would do what I could but did she realise I was in France? The dopey cow had forgotten.

After the evening meeting, we went to a bar further away from the hotel than normal. After a lot of messing about, Burns and I went to what is now officially our local. After a beer, the rest of the group met up with us. Eventually I smashed a glass and everybody ran away.

On the way back, Tom gave Gemma a piggyback but it all ended in tears when Tom tripped and Gemma smashed her face into the pavement. Surprisingly, it was Tom that cried, Gemma didn’t seem too bothered. I guess she may feel differently about it when the alcohol wears off and she sees how fucked up her jaw has become. Poor scar face.

Lennox's Paris Diary 2006: Sunday 19th March

Sunday 19th March 08:45 (UK Time)

Mood: Anxious

Dear Diary,

I arrived at the LEC with time to spare. I was worried there might be a difficulty finding it but the group of lanky greasy teenagers stating at the side of the road meant that I had either located the place or accidentally driven to Germany. I don’t like Germany, makes me relieved I am going to France. It turns out that a few of them are German, which was a shame.

On the coach on the way up I wonder if I could keep this diary up all week. I guess that, when I look back through the diary, I am going to be unable to tell if my handwriting is bad because I am travelling, I am drunk or I have developed brain damage through excessive drinking. I hope I am not travelling too much.

I am very aware that I keep changing from past and present tense. I will be trying harder to stay in one tense from now on. Oh shit, that was future tense.

Sunday 19th March 12:20 (UK Time)

Mood: Bored

Dear Diary,

Sitting in the waiting lounge of the Eurostar, there is nothing to do other than listen to music, write in this diary or try and talk to people. I can’t even read my magazine for fear of looking antisocial.

There are lots of foreign looking people accompanying me in the lounge and all I can do is take comfort in the knowledge that they are leaving my country. I heard a couple of people speaking German and it sent a shiver down my spine. There are too many people here and I have to sit on the floor.

Security check was reasonably simple. Grace help up the queue and I would have bet money it would have been her, She then got searched by some old woman (again, foreign looking) who blatantly loved it. I felt a bit sorry for Grace although it was quite funny. It has gone noon and I’m still writing this, which surprised me slightly. In a nice way. I hope I still manage to keep it up tomorrow, or even this evening when I finally arrive in Paris.

Hunger increasing, I headed for the nearest fast food restaurant. Emily, however, had other ideas and dragged us to McDonalds. I had the first McDonalds (for I refuse to refer to it as “Maccy Dees”) burger in about one and a half to two years. I hate Emily. I hate McDonalds.

Sunday 19th March 07:32 (French Time)

Mood: Reinvigorated yet slightly annoyed

Dear Diary,

I arrived in France after a power-nap on the Eurostar. I felt mean as I got Kimmi to sit next to me to keep me entertained but I promptly fell asleep. I guess she can’t have been that entertaining, although the girl can dance.

After more coach journey we arrived at the hotel. After being told I would have a room to myself, I ended up paired with Sam, AKA, “Dv8.” After paying my 15€ deposit for the room, Ali joined us. They both seem cool, and while I would have liked a room all to myself, sharing means I am more likely to get to know people.

I sent a text message to my dad back in England to see if I could send and receive texts and calls while in Paris. He said I could, which was evident by the fact he told me via text, and I also learned that he had topped my credit up by £20. I know most, if not all, of the credit will be spent texting Sam while drunk and I am feeling sorry for her already.

Sunday 19th March 10:40 (French Time)

Mood: Tipsy and amused

Dear Diary,

Well this is my first entry drunk, at least that is to say “under the influence” as I had to sober up a bit to help Burns. I found out his real name is Shaun, which I feel kind of spoilt the illusion. Oh well.

As I said, Burns is off. His. Face. It’s quite funny as he kept kissing Emily. He also licked my face on occasion. Which was daunting.

Skipping Class

We went for Thai last night. I had my reservations about going, however Lauren had made another kind of reservation so I decided I would go after all. Turns out it was really good fun.

We got to the restaurant and as we approached we were a bit worried that it would be posh. And therefore expensive. We then noticed that it also did takeaway. So we weren’t that worried. The menu was in English, however the names of the dishes were in Thaiish (I don’t know, or care) and the names were hilarious. Toon Thong, Gai Pad Prik and Kow Pow were all dishes on offer. What these dishes consisted of, I could not tell you, as the names were so distracting. When the waitress came to take our order, I simply opened the menu and pointed. I figured it was easier that way because 1) I didn’t know what I wanted and something random was just as good as something I would choose and 2) I did not want to burst into hysterics at the name and insult the Thaiish (again, don’t care) waitress. I ended up with sweet and sour duck with egg fried rice. Sam had vegetables. Yum. Lauren and Dave decided to go for the £19.95 set menu B. What they failed to notice was the print underneath saying “Per person”. They then continued their meal thinking they were getting loads of food for a low price. Did you know, if you say “orange” slowly, it sounds like “gullible”?

We left the restaurant at half nine (I noticed they had taken away all the gold plated cutlery just in case) and the spent the next hour in Poole high street. My God we are one classy bunch. An entertaining car journey later and I was home in bed. Sleeping. Ahh.

This morning no teacher turned up to teach us at college so Kerry, Jim, Liam, Hannah, Emma, Ollie, Tom and I went to Whetherspoons for breakfast.

Like I said, classy.

Lennox