Better than monopoly - almost.

At work today, Stinky Pete (a ‘regular’), came into the shop again and bought some ham. While this is not unusual for him, I was surprised to see that he only came into the shop once today. He habitually visits Iceland almost everyday and while he never buys a lot, or indeed anything that appears substantial, he seems to buy enough to live on. That is to say, he is not yet completely dead. You can normally tell when Stinky Pete is coming and the stench warns you of his imminent arrival. He is not called Stinky Pete for nothing – I have smelt tramps with less stink. That’s not to say I have gone around purposefully sniffing tramps mind you. But underpasses tend to trap odours.

The stink of piss Pete oozes is enough to make a farmer faint, a cow collapse, a skunk sick and a German gag. The safest thing to do is run and hide until the walking chemical spillage that is Pete has passed then attack his trail of urine-clouds with air freshener. However today, I shall look past that, for Stinky Pete has given me a wonderful idea for a board game…

The idea is simple: Each player takes the role of an ageing OAP who reeks of piss. The aim of the game is to be the smelliest old person and to stink out as many places as possible. Each player has a number of ‘Pong Points’ and at the beginning of a players turn their score increases one for each ‘Pong Point’ they have, providing they are in a building (as marked out on the board). As the player moves around they have the chance of landing on a space which means they have to draw a card. Cards have effects that range from sales assistants spraying you with perfume as a sales technique (loose one ‘Pong Point’) to you pissing yourself (gain one ‘Pong Point’).

While there are buildings (mainly shops) there is also the ‘Town Square’, which is at the centre of the board. This is classed as outside. Your score does not increase while you are outside and you get put there if, for example, you draw the security guard card and they throw you out of the building. One of my favourite prototype cards is Alzheimer’s (miss a turn). I think it captures the mind of Stinky Pete perfectly. Maybe that is why he comes into the shop twice in the same day. One of my favourite prototype cards is Alzheimer’s (miss a turn). I think it captures the mind of Stinky Pete perfectly. Maybe that is why he comes into the shop twice in the same day.

Please Note: The game is still in the design stages. All names, images, rules etc are copyrighted by me. Any infringement of copyright will result in me using the “Piss on another player” card from the board game I made in year 10 graphic design class. (No, really). I have also posted the notes I made on the game as I thought you would appreciate a bit of visual stimulation.

The second rule of blogging is, you DO NOT talk about blogging

I don’t know how many other people have been watching My Name Is Earl, but I have. For those of you who haven’t, it’s a new American comedy where the lead character wins the jackpot on a scratch card right before being hit by a car. While a motoring accident is not really all that entertaining in itself, this one is merely a device for introducing the protagonist to the concept of Karma. That is to say the bastardised Hollywood Karma paraphrased into the simple idiom “What goes around come around”.

This concept of Karma intrigued me. Naturally I had heard of it before, but here was not only the concept, but also the application. Karma was having a visible effect on Earl and the people around him. I decided to do my own research. According to Wikipedia, in reference to Karma, “performance of positive action results with the reaction of a good conditioning in one's experience, whereas a negative action results in a reaction of a bad response. This may be an immediate result following the act, or a delayed result occurring either in the present life or the next. Thus, meritorious acts may create rebirth into a higher station, such as a superior human being or a godlike being, while evil acts result in rebirth as a human living in less desirable circumstances, or as a lower animal.” You may be wondering what all that means. Basically it equates to “What goes around come around”.

In other news, I had to wait for ages after work today because we couldn’t get the alarm to set. I waited for a while however I had a bus to catch so I distracted everybody and ran off, leaving them behind to wait until the alarm was set. I started to feel bad, but then I remember that I killed off my conscience long ago.

I got to the bus stop and had to wait for ages in the cold because I missed the first bus and the second was late. When I finally got home, Mum had bought me a pair or cord trousers that are tight around the crotch however I have to wear them until they stretch, because apparently cord stretches better than denim and anyway, I wear stupidly baggy trouser that are too big for me where the crotch is below the knee and it’s time I started wearing proper trousers. So as I sit here typing, my testicals have changed shape to fit the trousers instead of the other way around, I have to time my toilet breaks because it takes so long to pull the trousers back up that by the time I have managed it, I need to go again, and now my computer keeps doing weird things like crashing and generally not doing what I want it to, when I need it to.

Oh well. I guess that’s Karma.

The first rule of blogging is, you do not talk about blogging

Rules, however are meant to be broken.

Liam challenged me at the beginning of the year to keep up a daily photoblog. I didn't rise to the challenge and the reason for that is twofold.

#1 - I don't have the time
#2 - My camera is shit

Also, my blogging style doesn't lend itself to regular diary like blogs. At least thats what blog things told me:

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

Although the same site told me I am

Silly Panties

You're a goofy, fun loving girl who is always smiling. You like your panties to be a silly secret - even if only you know. Men feel instantly relaxed around you, with a little instant chemistry too. Even though you're a goofball, you can be sexy when you want to.

Either way, I know I'm not the kind of person to talk about my day.

I thought about taking on a different kind of interesting blog style and the best idea I came up with was an audioblog, or blogcast. (See what I did there was take the words blog and broadcast and create a neologism. Apple did it, why cant I?) The difficulty is that I don't have a microphone. I may go to the trouble of making a few one-offs just to keep you on your toes however I decided that to do it all the time would spoil you. I'm 100% sure dying Africans would stop appreciating the work of Oxfam if they got fed every day. It is for this reason I do not donate. Some may see it as miserly, I see it as selfless.

I am going to try and post shorter, more regular blogs here on blogger.com. The main reason being that it is such a nice tool to work with. And I've worked with some impressive tools I can tell you.

Thats it until next time when I introduce you to the second rule of blogging. Bet you can't guess what is it.

Lennox